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Channel: The Gates of Ivory – Jerusalem Mortimer: Between the Lines
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From the Gates of Ivory: The Dixie Chicks

So I was drivin this huge red Chevrolet convertible car thing, size of a tennis court, and I pulled up at the intercom at the Phully Phat Phizzeria. (Yeah, “Phizzeria”. The ‘h’  is silent. Go figure.)...

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The Gates of Ivory: th’ Dixies, Warpaint and a guest appearance by the Corrs

Emily Dixie So I’m in this awesomely huge Chevrolet convertible, peoples, outside the Phully Phat Phizzeria, and there’s like me and my coq au pommes frîtes avec Moët and also Chandon in the front...

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The Gates of Ivory: The Corrs and their Other Encounter

And then the Corrs produce this singing fishtank, as big as a football field, and they drag it into place where Warpaint’s pool table used to be. And there’s mermaids in there, brushing their hair and...

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The Gates of Ivory: The Cardboard Jellyroll

Now there is fully nothing sweeter to these ears than praise from happy women. But this praise was fully fake, and hearing it was, like, like eating a photo of a jellyroll. And though I love some...

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Gates of Ivory, Penis of Playdough

So the Corrs went sashaying off to entertain some dude they’d said was way like me. But dude totally wrote poetry. That seemed most unlike me, even ignoring details like him liking his poems with fake...

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The Gates of Ivory: The Hurdy-Gurdy Man walks away

So I was, “Oh come on, you may as well leave it too.” So we walked along, all singing close harmony songs about food cooperatives, no-good blue-eyed lovers and eldritch uncanny things, since the Dixies...

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Food 4 Thought Friday: Favourite fantasy

This is my first contribution to Food for Thought Friday. This week the topic is:  1 Do you have a sexual fantasy that you would be embarrassed or ashamed to tell anyone about? 2 Is it a complete...

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